I'm Sorry
by Colormysoultraurig
Summary: Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you BEWARE SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS! Jeronica songfic for Hold on by Chord Overstreet


You can also read this on Ao3 /works/15624786

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 _Loving and fighting Accusing, denying_

I barely understood what was going on, words were flying out of my mouth before I had the time to notice or register. We were screaming about something I'm not even sure what. Serpent business, cheating, money, I have no clue. All I know is we were yelling.

Veronica was at the brink of tears and I felt I might be too.

More yelling, more words, more threats, more tears. Before I knew what was happening she was gone. She ran off.

I let her cool off, I gave her time, but in my gut I could feel something was not right. I waited and hoped she would come out soon. I left the living room and walked the short distance to the kitchen. I needed a drink just to calm myself from all that happened. I had just grabbed a cup when I heard a thud.

 _I'd be so lost if you left me alone, You locked yourself in the bathroom, Lying on the floor when I break through, I pull you in to feel your heartbeat, Can you hear me screaming, "please don't leave me"_

I ran. I ran faster than I thought I would. I knocked on the door to the bathroom.

"Veronica?" I got no reply.

"Ronnie!?" Each call getting louder, more desperate, more panicked. The banging got harder and harder with every thrust.

I don't remember how I did it but somehow I had gotten the locked door open. Probably broken. She was just lying there, unconscious.

The counter had pills put into perfect lines just sitting there. Most of them were gone based on the two empty bottles sitting next to it and the very few left on the counter. Broken glass littered the floor from the cup she'd dropped as she fell.

I had grabbed my phone dialing the number I hoped to never have to call again in my life. They said to stay on the line but I couldn't do it. I dropped the phone to the ground. I dropped to my knees the next second.

I pulled her into my arms, tears staining her clothes. I just sobbed into her hair.

"Please... Please don't go…" I didn't know what else to say. Didn't know what else to do.

I couldn't tell if the heartbeat I felt was mine raging out of my chest or hers mixing with mine. I silently hoped it was the later.

 _I swear to love you all my life, Hold on, I still need you_

Before I knew it EMT's were breaking down my door. I didn't even hear them knock. I really couldn't hear anything but my own heart.

They were talking, asking questions but I couldn't understand them. I could only see Veronica being taken out of my arms.

Someone stood me up and held my shoulder to keep me in place.

"Sir, we need to know what happened. Do you know anything that could help us?" An EMT was leaning down to me trying to get me to focus. I tried just so I knew Veronica could be that much safer.

"We were fighting. She- she ran off. I shouldn't have… if I had just followed her... " The EMT listened carefully to what i was saying but I don't think I was making any real sense. I looked up to the man staring at me. "I love her… I need her. Please don't let her die." Even I know I sounded desperate.

"If you can just tell me everything you know I'll make sure we do everything we can." He sounded sincere and I hoped he wasn't lying to me.

"I heard her fall but by the time I was able to get to her she was unconscious. I think she took the pills on the counter. They were full last I remembered. I- I don't know what else- I don't know anything else. Please tell me that she'll be ok." I was still crying.

"We'll do everything we can." With that he walked away leaving me by myself in the bathroom.

 _Long endless highway, you're silent beside me_ , _Driving a nightmare I can't escape from_

I pulled myself together enough to get into the back of the ambulance. I just started at her the whole way there. Couldn't take my eyes off her expressionless face. If I tried hard enough and ignored all the machinery plugged into her I could pretend she was just sleeping. Peaceful and beautiful.

An EMT pulled me out of my daydream. They were telling the others something that needed to be done. I had no idea what it meant.

I realized at some point in the back of ambulance that I had stopped crying. I couldn't anymore, I had run out of tears and instead just started feeling numb. I could still feel them on my cheeks making my skin tight. I couldn't feel them on my chin and neck reminding me that her hair was damp with _my_ tears. My eyes felt heavy with the weight of what I was seeing and feeling.

Numbers were being thrown around telling me nothing about her health. I hurt knowing I couldn't do anything to help her. I just had to sit next to her and wait for someone else to save the day. I felt useless.

After what felt like years but was just a matter of minutes we reached the hospital.

 _They took you away on a table, I pace back and forth as you lay still_

They pulled her out of the back and rushed her through the big sterile doors. I followed close behind never letting her out of my sight.

In all the time it had taken she hadn't moved a muscle on her own. She hadn't moved a muscle since I found her.

They kept on moving her faster and faster. They took her through another set of doors and told me to wait outside. They wouldn't let me go past the doors, like there was a barrier only she could go through.

"Please can I just see her one last time before you take her away?" I could have cried right then. But the EMT nodded anyway.

I walked to her fast. I grabbed her hand in mine. "I love you. Please don't leave me... I need you to come back to me... Please." Her hand dropped out of mine as they pulled her away.

"We'll do what we can. See the woman at the desk for some papers you'll need to fill out." They ran down the hall probably after Veronica.

Not knowing what else to do I found the lady at the desk and got what I needed. As soon as I sat down it hit me, Betty and Archie would want to know.

I called them up and they said they would be there as soon as they could.

While I waited I thought about Veronica, about all the ways I could have made it better, how I could have saved her. If only I had followed her. If only I had said sorry.

I should have said sorry.

Eventually they called me back and told me I could finally see her. I still hadn't done any paperwork and neither Betty nor Archie had showed up. I went back alone and honestly it was better that way. I could get out all my terrible emotion without others around to see.

I followed the nurse back to her room. Just watching her lying there motionless broke me into pieces. I could tell by the monitor that she still had a bearing heart. It gave me hope.

"She may be a sleep for a while. The amount of pills she took can keep her heavily sedated. We flushed out most of the drugs and she should be better and conscious by morning. We do want to keep her here for another forty eight hours after she wakes so we can monitor her and make sure she gets the help she needs." I wasn't really registering what she was saying, all I knew was she was breathing. That was enough for me.

 _I just wanna hear you, Saying baby, let's go home, Let's go home, I just wanna take you home_

The nurse left leaving me alone. I pulled the chair as close to the bed as I could where I still fit. I grasped her hand in mine. It was colder than I expected.

"I'm sorry… It's all my fault I know that. I just- I need you Ronnie… I can't-... God I can't do this without you, Princess… I want you to come home safe. That's all I want. You. Safe." A single tear dropped landing on our intertwined hands.

I just sat there staring at her face for a long time. Eventually Betty slowly opened the door followed by Archie. They came together but that was no shock. I was shocked at how calm they looked when I knew I looked like I was breaking, which I was.

"How is she?" Betty's light voice came over to me. The first real thing I heard besides the monitor since getting in the room.

"Alive" Was all I could say.

"Do you know what happened?" It was simple question and Archie didn't mean anything by it but I felt something in me drop.

I looked up into their faces for the first time since they arrived.

"I um yeah I do." it was hard for me just to talk let alone tell them all. "She took- she took pills. A lot of them. She passed out or something and that's how I- how I found her." they just listen on never trying to pry.

"Jughead I know everything will be ok. It'll just take time." Betty was smiling. I had no idea how she was doing it but I really wanted to know. I didn't think I would smile again for months maybe even years.

I just nodded and looked back at Veronica sleeping. Peaceful but under it all I knew there was a storm raging on.

 _Hold on, I still want you, Come back, I still need you_

They sent her home. They ran me through her diagnoses and gave me her medication and sent me on my way too. I was just glad to be home with Veronica.

We were home, finally by ourselves again. We took it easy. I didn't want anything to happen. I finally got her back and I didn't want anything to ruin that.

We sat on the couch after dinner watching some reruns when Veronica lifted her head off my shoulder and looked me in the eye.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered to me. I almost started crying right there. I switched positions so I could look her straight on.

With my palms on her face I started to talk. "Don't ever say you're sorry for what happened. You have nothing to be sorry for, ever. You have depression, so what? That doesn't change how much I love you and it shouldn't change how much you love yourself. I love you so much and won't ever stop. So please don't ever apologize ever again. You hear me?" She just smiled and nodded.

We went back to watching T.V. entangled in one another.

 _She was sorry god I should be the one who's sorry for not being able to do anything_ was the only thought running through my mind.

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 **I'm so sorry this ending sucks...**

 **[EDIT] I DO NOT OWN THE LYRICS USED IN THIS FIC! THEY BELONG TO CHORD OVERSTREET! NOT ME! Thank you and I'm sorry :)**


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